the only girl in the world

there once lived a young, wondrous girl

she lived free from question and went with the flow

always with the flow

in her youth she was wild

truly free and endlessly expressive

as she grew she became more and more reserved

less and less herself

maybe on the outside you couldn't tell

but within she knew

yet the mighty why lingered

she never sat with the question

for it was a source of pain

again she didn't know why.

she went on with life

with the flow

going here

doing this

thinking that.

all to the appeal of the flow

she learned the way of life quite easily

and even more she was good at it

the conditions

the exchange

the rules

on and on she went

following the flow

until she had to question

what is this

she finally revisited "why"

and when she did

how blown away she was

for it was no flow at all

only a loop

a looopy loop loop

one that was never fulfilling.

a true game of pain and occasionally pleasure

only scratching the surface

her obedience led her astray

listening to others rather than herself

all of herself mourned this difficult truth

the mourning led her back to the loop

how could she survive without it?

as she plated her dinner on a cold, tired night

after a long day of slaving away for a life that was never hers

she saw an old picture of herself

a picture of her as a baby

smiling so joyfully and glowing

a tear ran down her face

this tear was the most love she had felt for years

because it was her soul speaking

her soul shining through

she grabbed her heart

and fell to the ground

crying crying crying

"the truth will set your free, but first it will bring you to your knees"

and that it did.

as she laid to bed, she played with this idea

of the essence of herself as a child

for this was merely a representation of the beauty of her true self

her sleep was deep

truly healing

repairing the pieces of her that were now in shambles

she admired the shambles

the fucking mess she now was

for the mess represented her refusal to live on as something she is not

she did what SHE wanted to do that day

she played and stretched and danced and drawed and laughed

she hugged and complimented and admired

she drove and sang and cried

she listened to music and wrote some too

she laid in the grass and watched the beauty of the clouds

she recognized herself in all of these things

as the sun faded away

she was hit with the anxiety of the things she needed

of the necessary things that she had to work for

the money, her loan, her car, gas, food

she cried like a mother

"why can't i have this forever"

she laid back and closed her eyes

"you already do, for this moment is forever silly. keep moving. really contemplate what scares you. do you believe in them, or us? you must decide. for that is the trajectory of your life. you achieve what you believe. you are all that you have ever wanted. this world, the outside world, means nothing. well, it does mean something. it is like a piece of art. the face of creation. what is real is the journey to this art. the true love, time, dedication, and surrender it took to get here. that's why earth enjoys art. many times you get tricked into believing you love the face value of the piece, but truth is you love and appreciate the entirety of its existence. the lines, the smudges, the blending, the cohesion, the interpretation of something greater than the works that stands in front of you. You see yourself. a messy miracle. a piece of wonder lust that can never truly be consumed. everything speaks to the soul. when you agree to listen, then will you be truly free."

she sat for a moment. as so much erased from her head and her heart. clarity came as she opened her eyes to the darkness of the night.

gratitude coursed through her blood

she was no longer afraid. she was greater than any feeling. than any form of control.

she made her way to her house.

as she welcomed back her wild soul

and wondering spirit.

as she realized the less she knew the flow, the better.

the smoother the ride.

she breathed new life.

one life.

recognizing herself everywhere she looked.

as she packed up her space.

and made her way home.