hardship in following...
ahhhh...touching the truth of your heart's desires, seeing the dream of your soul, honing in on your natural abilities and truest loves. nothing as fulfilling or as joyous as these discoveries.
as life progresses, there is very much a separation between the dream of the soul and the reality i am living. i haven't written for the past two weeks. it felt like a duty, like a dragging project or assignment i simply had to do, hence the reason i took a break. life is not meant to be that way. the things we love do not need to exist within a box. for so long, i lived dragging around this weight of "necessity" and "having to do things." almost like a dark exchange, i do this, then i get this. that is not living.
as i have discovered my true loves and passions, i want them to be at the center of my life. everyday, every moment, however it may be. yet it is so hard. truly. i feel ok admitting it. i am in a pivotal time in my life, for i am no longer accepting the things that simply get me by. i want to live a fruitful life. we all know how we want to live. yet we have been conditioned to believe that it needs to be "easy". it needs to be a tangible dream. i have spent a lot of time in mindless, soulless spaces, that as i exit them and enter anew, a piece of me dies. a deep rooted piece of me, that has been growing since childhood. a piece that is controlled by the externals, that relies on others, and blames, and lives in shame. a sick cycle.
this is what happens when you truly integrate. life completely 360s. everything changes. it has to. yet that knowledge does not make it any lighter. it requires release from things that you once perceived as safety, as necessary, as you.
pursuing the dream requires you to look certain things straight on, things you used to believe, and realize that they were lies. its hard. it hurts. i remind myself why i am doing this. only i truly understand, and soon every part will too.
i wish freedom to all. love. truth. alignment. on the journey, sacrifice is a must. unlearning. fresh trust. new pathways. do not worry. on pursuit, you will find pain. you will feel lost. directionless. that is ok. take the moment to truly feel it. listen to your internal compass. it is ok to feel like you are going backwards. directions seem to go out the window when you really engage and choose to follow soul. the right way does not exist, it never did.
only you have the map. now, take the time to find it. i'll let you know when i do. (you better do the same)
xxxooo: sm