goodbye "i shouldn't"

it's so beautiful to space away from toxic ideas that unconsciously control our life.

i am sharing a deep one for me. one i recently became aware of....

the notorious "i shouldn't" and honestly, also "i should"

these two polarities always leave me empty.

their pressure is undeniable.

having to swing back and forth between these ideas,

always anxious and wondering if i "did the right thing"

i found these creeping up on me allll the time;

yet as i grew in awareness,

it was only in times of high emotion or feeling.

for example, when i am very tired.

it hurts to realize we do this to ourselves: cause our own suffering.

it's not ok to stress ourselves with this idea of "should" or "shouldn't".

i am more deeply affected by the idea of shouldn't,

yet i realize the shouldn't comes from the should and vice versa.

say i decided to scroll aimlessly on my phone.

i will hear "you shouldn't be doing this"

for some reason it is a natural reaction to keep doing what we're doing,

for that reason i feel i am doing it out of spite.

the content is not the problem,

what the hardship is, is the form of delivery.

because many situations,

it is true.

i shouldn't be doing this or that,

or i should be doing this.

so i recognize the struggle is with the structure of self-talk.

this is very powerful to realize.

i am grateful.

i choose to clear this karmic tie,

and always speak in an uplifting tone.

when i notice this painful package present itself,

i will not look away as i used to.

i will bring consciousness to that moment.

and take accountability for the moment in time

and the direction of my energy.

our true power lies in the knowing that we are the directors of the power.

if we do not align with a certain pathway,

we do have the power to disalign and readjust the energy.

this process is a timely one, but ever worth it

it is.

there are many attributes that contribute to our development of self-talk patterns.

only we can dive in and understand them

if we feel that is necessary in our healing.

well,

in conclusion,

i wish for all to transcend past the limitations of should and shouldn't.

and any other behavior / speech that inhibits our fluidity

and radiating shame and control in our lives.

these are not necessary in our growth,

yet we have fed the piece of us that thrives off the polarities of existence.

it is time we walk the middle ground.

embodying light love and patience.

peace is possible.

xxxooo

shay